| http://rowalton.blogspot.com/
|
| |
| not looking forward to saturday.
the man i love and respect deeply is leaving for another 7 months. sure we'll "be fine". i know we'll be fine...we did well the first 5 months. but thats not it, i'm not scared for our relationship. i just want to be able to spend time with him, enjoy his company.
on saturday i will also be taking my CSET exam. yup...i did already take it. but unfortunately in november i took the english cset exam because i thought i wanted to teach high school english. now ive decided to dedicate myself to those snot nosed children i so deeply love. that means another $200+ test.
but i will remember to thank Jesus for the joy and honor of having Brian in my life and that i was able to spend the last month with him. i will also praise Jesus for giving me this passion and desire to teach children and that i actually have the opportunity to apply for grad school and be able to afford this test.
in my little bubble of a life....life sucks this weekend.
but in the grand scheme...i am immensely blessed.
[note to self :: remember the second half of this entry]
|
| |
| In love with a city and it's people.
It's a November day in picturesque LA and I have happened upon a comfy patio outside the "so last year" coffee shop, Starbucks. I sit here in my sandals, casual black skirt, and tank top--drenched in the rays of a Sun that could only shine in Los Angeles. I find myself buying into the dreams that have brought people to this very location for years. But I yearn not to make a name in Hollywood or surf the waves off Malibu, I’m here to make a difference. Ironically, what draws me to this places is the very people who have come in search of success, happiness, and 355 days of sun. Those mandatory 10 days of clouds and gray exist only to guide us Angelinos into a deeper realization of our humanity. A place of emptiness for many, the weather outside finally reflecting the condition of their heart. Cloudy and gray. And so we hole up for a day or two and pray to the barista that tomorrow we’ll order an iced drink. That the sun will come forth and remind of us the guise we’ve found here in this city. A mask big enough to cover Pacific Palisades to East Los. Covering the cloudy and gray. We all live under it; I find myself embracing it as much as anyone else.
|
| |
| Saturday. November 28th. Sunny Forecast.
29 days to go.
A day off, finally a day completely to myself.
I want to spend time with
Jesus,
Brian (via phone),
Music
Los Angeles
The rest of the world can wait til tomorrow.
|
| |
| Dreaming with a Broken Heart
I’ve been dreaming of days
of lives
And seasons of change
Fathers playing catch with their sons
Dressing up for theirs daughters tea parties
Days of sunshine
And joy
There is no question
He loves his wife, his children, and our heavenly father
I dream of families being transformed
God’s love radiating through a world of distrust
By the simplicity of a parent
Merely dreams are these
For I see lives of detachment and distraction
Take this, take that
But don’t take a second look at where Daddy’s eyes are focused
I dream these dreams with a broken heart
A heart not jaded
but fogged by forgotten memories
Nights crying on my bed
Please just leave.
at least I could blame you for that
But instead I’ve let you take the hope out of my dreams
Forgiveness you deserve
Forgiveness I hope to give
But how? It’s been far too long
And I packed all hope of reconciliation
In that drawer under my bed.
Ironically, the one you built
So can we build this together
Can we build a new relationship
A skeptic I would call myself
So show me. Come show me how this will all work out.
|
| |
